The Village Idiot

with Steve Cohen

Finally this school has gotten some credit: Its own question on Jeopardy. I have to say I'm very proud to be going to a university that was a thousand-dollar answer. I sincerely doubt Hofstra would ever get past a $600 question. On the other hand, I'm quite disappointed by the answer; "The Delphian is the student newspaper of this school in Garden City, New York." I see a true lack of creativity coming from the writers of Jeopardy, if Who Wants to be a Millionaire? was using that question it wouldn't even reach the $500 echelon.

After complaining to the editors about the stupidity of this answer, after what I calculate to be 67 minutes of me explaining just how senseless the answer was, I was told to write an article about it and to leave them alone (I've been censored by the editors from placing their true comments in the article.) And seeing as my idea to write an article comparing John Ashcroft to people from the island of Samoa was rejected, I have taken their challenge. I hope you enjoy.

• This "A" University has been more indecisive about choosing its School President over the past decade than George W. Bush has been about choosing a reason why he didn't tell anyone about that DUI.
  
  
• This University in Garden City, NY had a labor dispute with it's secretaries, and handled the situation like Bill Clinton handled Kenneth Starr's questions on whether or not he had had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky.
  
  
• This university on Long Island has the highest STD rate in the nation. (Lucky for us the question to that answer is "What is Hofstra University?")
  
  
• This university, whose name starts with an "Ad", food services cause more explosive diarrhea than Japanese Food gives to George Bush, Sr. The university's name ends with an "Elphi".
  
  
• In 1760, a man living in Salem by the name of Adel Fike, made a bargain with the devil. The devil would create something so no one would ever forget his name, while Adel Fike's wife would bake fine breads in return. Be'elzebub pulled a trick on him and over a hundred years later, he had a school that was give a name that sounds like Adel Fike. This is the school.
  
  
• During the last days of his life, Nostradamus predicted this school's coming when he said: Oh the headaches, this food sucks. I can't believe I payed all this money. I mean, are we all dumb schmucks? At least the president is a total hottie.