The Village Idiot

Steve Cohen

I know that I normally waste my space in the Delphian with snooty, yet brainless cracks at my elders (i.e. Dr. Scott and Craig Ash), and at the wonderful services at this school (i.e. Lackman Food Services and Housing). So in this installment of The Village Idiot I shall attempt to curb my pointless rants. I promise to use this space to aid the professors of this fine establishment in the education of others. It seems that many of my peers don't know the true meanings behind many ancient sayings, or their what their origins are. With the infinite knowledge of Luke (he's from the new testament of THE BIBLE for all of the non-Christians, which I guess includes me today since I'm feeling a bit "atheist") I will explain to my comrade learners the meanings, and beginnings of these axioms:

"Birds of a feather flock together"

Please put down the newspaper, and look into the sky for a flock of birds. Now find a group of sorority sisters walking in a large bunch, this will be considerably easier noting the season. It just means that people who are same-minded like to cling to each other so that they can share brain cells. My grandfather told me that the saying began when he was 10 years old and he shot two Communists who were about to kill the president. I don't believe he was telling the truth about this however, because he was often strung out on heavy drugs and he was really old.

"There are only two things that are certain in life, death and taxes"

The original saying comes from the times of Ancient Rome. When Roman Soldiers invaded a city, its inhabitants would shout to each other "Nothing in life is certain but death." This was a way for them to mourn their own lives, as most of them would perish by the end of the evening (They mourned for themselves because it's really hard to get a funeral when all of your family and homies are dead). The remark was later transformed, both in wording and in emotion. The word "taxes" was added by unlucky survivors of the invasion. Because the Romans really liked to tax people. I mean it. A lot. And that's that. Isn't it?

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away"

This saying comes from England in the 1500s. During this period blacksmiths doubled as village-dentists. Which is the root of people's fears of going to the dentist. The blacksmith would use a tool to put a shoe on a horse, and then use it to pull an infected tooth (This caused an epidemic of "hoof and mouth" disease). So when it came time for their yearly check up, the custom of the English Merchant Class was to eat an apple. The enamel-colored substance of the fruit would wrap itself around the decayed teeth, covering any holes and filling in areas of severe decay.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me"

This oft-used phrase was coined by King Louis XVI (The sixteenth), he was being paraded through the streets of Paris to his execution. During this lengthy procession, many peasants and lower-class type peoples would yell out vulgar comments to the King. Such as "Hey Frenchie" and "The King is a Poop-head." He then performed what many historians believe to have been his greatest error during his blunder filled administration. He yelled out the aforementioned statement, and was then pelted with sticks and stones. Needless to say, he was very hurt. There remains today, one dispute between scientists over "what hurts more, the sticks or the stones?"