"SEX!!!"
(I Knew That Would Get your Attention!)

by Goldie Lovelocks

3,400 undergraduate students. 3,000 graduate students. 1,100 residents. Seven girls to every three guys. Adelphi University.

It's Thursday night in Garden City. I am at a nameless club, crammed into a room with students from Adelphi and Hofstra University. I have been elected DD for the night, and am thus sober. There's no room to dance, so I have to resort to people-watching for entertainment.

Exhibit A: I note a surprisingly attractive guy wearing Abercrombie clothing flirting with a scantily clad girl in the corner. She is obviously inebriated and will certainly not remember this conversation tomorrow morning. As she fawns over him, grabbing the sleeve of his pre-worn "vintage" button-up, his eyes dart around the room for more interesting (i.e. attractive) company. Exhibit B: next to them an intoxicated couple's PDA is making me gag. What's even more distasteful is the desensitization of the people around them. After all, it's hard to ignore someone being fondled seated at the high-top next to you. Exhibit C: across the room there are two girls "grinding" together, while a cluster of guys watch with extreme pleasure. (May I take this moment to ask all of our male readers: what is with the lesbian turn-on? For that matter, ladies, why do you buy into it???)

A typical night out, but tonight I find myself wondering what in this world draws certain people to each other? Is Mr. Abercrombie only drawn to Miss Fuzzy Navel because we're all crammed like sardines into this dorm-sized excuse for a club? Or is there some greater cosmic force driving us to find our soul mate? Are the face-sucking couple in the corner sweet-hearts forever, or just the flavor of the evening? Is there such a thing as a soul mate (and if so where the hell is mine)?

I find myself thinking about some of my friends and their dysfunctional relationships. Meet Joseph. He's been dating this girl on and off for a year when she informs him that she is a lesbian, and then continues her ambiguous college sexuality by dating a guy the following month. Meet Riley. She's found the perfect guy; sensitive, romantic, funny, smart, and hot as Brad Pitt, but he's a horrible kisser. Meet Bret. He's dating his ex's best friend, while simultaneously having sex with his ex. And the best part? Neither of them knows about the other one. Meet Becca. She finally finds the right guy for her, but he's five years younger than she is. Meet Michael. He just ended a four-year relationship and is not sure where he stands when it comes to commitment. To help him solve this dilemma he has fallen for a girl in his french class.

And then there's me, Goldie Lovelocks. A college junior, with no particular ties to any guy here at Adelphi (which is not surprising considering the unfavorable ratio of girls to guys) and a night of sober people-watching ahead of me.

**Do you have problems or questions about love, romance, commitment, flirting, sexuality, sex in general, attraction, hooking up, etc...If so please e-mail or drop them off at the Delphian office, and Goldie Lovelocks will try to address them.